Alas, many couples have this experience. Often they misuse the romantic evening gas an opportunity to “talk”!! Words become weapons that criticize rather than tools of understanding. Let’s take a hard look at this relationship dynamic.

First of all our perception that “everything is spoiled” is not usually based on reality. From a scientific point of view, hearing a negative does not have to destroy existing positives. The evening can remain unaltered. So, what has changed? Regretfully, it is usually “us” (our feelings) that have been negatively affected. The “me” perceives itself as being in “emotional danger”. There is, by one definition, no such thing as constructive criticism. Even if the criticism is based on truth, criticism hurts!! When a person is in emotional pain, it becomes difficult to recognize and embrace the unaltered pleasures of the evening. Science tells us that pain “feels bad” at a more powerful level of emotion that pleasure “feels good”.

I suggest that you treat the next romantic evening as a “first date”. Don’t bring up any potentially negative subjects that “trigger” past or present relationship issues. Apply the age old, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. We’re talking about only a few hours. It can be done!! There is real science existing within the statement: “Silence is golden”. Choose to be silent and happy! Choose to celebrate all the pleasures of the evening. Give romance a chance.

*As Published in the September 2011 edition of the Marsh Creek News Journal